Fan Xing and Yuan Song’s relationship started fast, within the first few episodes, and that seemed a little unbelievable to me. I was expecting more ramp-up time, especially since Yuan Song so obviously considered her his hard-ass boss rather than a romantic interest. It was like, all of sudden, when he tags along on this super awkward reunion with her college crush, he was into her and then actively pursuing her.
Their relationship progresses so fast, in fact, that Fan Xing takes it upon herself to take care of Yuan Song when he’s sick and misses work on his birthday—and then they have sex. Eyebrows raised, I wasn’t expecting that so early. But after Frosting Kiss® while they were sitting on his bed, things quickly escalated.
Can I just mention how beautiful Song Wei Long is?? That boy, although rather scrawny, is so fine! And those kisses looked yummy af. I was reeling over that amazing Elevator Kiss® —but I digress…
The frustrations begin when Fan Xing insists that their relationship be kept a secret. But despite this, she refuses to fully commit to Yuan Song, always holding back, not being vulnerable with him, only showing “the best parts” of herself.
Ye Lu Ming. This character was the most annoying son-bitch I have seen in a long time. He was a narcissist, an ass hole that used whatever lies necessary to trick Fan Xing over and over again. He gave her dirty advice on her relationship with Yuan Song and ultimately drove a deeper wedge between them. It was him that suggested to Fan Xing that she keep the relationship a secret! I hated that Lu Ming blatantly had a one-sided crush on her and she never saw through it. How stupid do you have to be not to notice this man going out of his way to meet with you, be of use to you, listen to you, give you gifts, and get to know your family! She’s an idiot.
She’s such an idiot that she breaks it off with Yuan Song in the most gut-wrenching way. I was pounding a pillow when she leaves his little college party and rejects him while he’s on stage waiting for her. He’s devastated. And their fight once they go outside is a great one. Much drama.
The slow pacing after this and my own extreme disappointment in the character Fan Xing almost made me stop watching. But I drudged on.
On Episode 28, I had my next conniption. By this time, Fan Xing is dating Lu Ming, her stupid-ass rebound. Every time she expresses real hesitancy and concern about going too fast in the relationship, meeting every important person within a matter of days after getting together, he angrily dismisses her offhand. He manipulates her inexperience and insecurity as a romantic partner so that he gets his way. Constantly challenging her to accept his way of thinking rather than respecting her timing.
I was boiling with their conversation in the car. She backs off when he shows displeasure at her reluctance to show up at a fancy children’s party for his friend’s kid when they’ve only been dating a few days.
Lu Ming: “Do you know why you were wrong?”
Fan Xing: “I am wrong because you said so”
—WTF?? How is she so assertive and concrete with Yuan Song and such a battered woman with Lu Ming?? What is this self-sacrificing, ignorant attitude?!
Lu Ming: “It’s your fault for making me sound unreasonable”
Fan Xing: “You’re angry so it must be my fault”
—This kind of dialogue is such a trigger for me.
Throughout the rest of the show, Fan Xing can’t get over Yuan Song. She broke up with him, she told herself, in part because she didn’t want to hold him back, as he’s just starting his life and career; but he was rethinking his original plan of studying abroad because of her. The fact was that she never planned on the relationship being long-term. And that was her mistake.
Find Yourself makes a point of distinguishing between compatibility and love. Lu Ming and Fan Xing were compatible. But Fan Xing and Yuan Song had chemistry, had love. What’s better: to be in a loveless marriage with an ideal partner who’s only 5 years older than you? Or have all the passion and love for your partner, only incompatible because of societal norms, who’s 10 years younger than you?
Anyway, she realizes her faults, and in the end, the Lu Ming relationship ends after almost a month of dating and some serious pressure from all sides for them to get married. She gets Yuan Song back, and it’s a textbook happy ending.
There are so many more subplots and side characters that I don’t know where to begin, or if I want to outline those, but here’s where the show got smart:
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Fan Xing’s dad goes missing and it’s revealed (although already hinted at) that he has Alzheimer’s. This is a very believable medical diagnosis vs a head injury, sudden cancer, or amnesia. It’s nice plot wise to see Fan Xing adjust her mindset around the reality of aging parents and not having a marriage partner to lean on or a wedding ceremony in which her father can confidently walk her down the aisle.
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BFF with the cheating husband while she was pregnant. That was so juicy and interesting. Glad she ultimately left him, but her situation was very sad—being unwilling to divorce him because she quit her job to be a homemaker and would lose custody of her oldest in a divorce.
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Fan Xing quitting a job that feels stagnant to take a career risk and do something she’s always wanted—open a flower shop.
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Yuan’s dad offers Lu Ming whatever he wants—including money—to leave his son’s ex-girlfriend. Flip on the classic mother-in-law bribing the female lead with money to leave her son.
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Fan Xing’s parents bucked the double standard mentality that a man being with a significantly younger woman is acceptable, giving He Can Yang hell for dating Cai Min Min and being very mild toward Fan Xing and Yuan Song. They favored their daughter vs their son.
All in all, I would recommend this show, with the caveat that it might not thrill you the whole time. The characters are flawed and they make decisions that may upset you. Ultimately, I don’t personally agree with 10- or 12-year age gaps for any couple, but in the context of this show, I was for it.
Did you see Find Yourself? Tell me your thoughts in the comments below!
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